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FRIDAY, AUGUST 6, 2004

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One Fan's Plea To Dismantle The Team He Loves
By Rob
7/22 3:07pm EDT
Can A Brother Get An Eric Gagne Shirt That Says "Game Over?"
By Greg 7/17 5:05pm EDT
Yes, I’m a Yankee fan, but I tend to have various degrees of heterosexual “man-love” for certain players like Jim Thome, Phil Nevin and, you guessed it, Eric Gagne (I’m planning on a feature on the phenomenon of heterosexual “man-love” for players, usually stemming from Fantasy success, stay tuned). So, when I saw those cool “Game Over” shirts during a Dodgers broadcast, I had to have one. Logic would say, “Go to mlb.com. Their ‘shop’ will have them”. So I did. Logic was wrong.
Fan Ridicules Jeremy Bonderman With Imaginary Dialogue
By Jacques 7/17 4:55pm EDT
"Well Jeremy," Operator #73 at Madame Cleo's Psychic Friends Hotline told Jeremy Bonderman during the All Star Break.  "I got good news and bad news for you.  The Yankees, they only going to get four hits off you in your next start.  You only going to walk one batter, in seven innings."   "That's great news Madame!  What could possibly be bad about that?"   "Them four hits going to go a long way, Jeremy."
Beckham Gives Poor Showing, Runaround
By Mark 7/8 8:54pm EDT
England we’ve already covered on a number of occassions, but they have a weak manager, who for the second major tournament in a row played an unfit player when he should have left him on the bench, or at home. David Beckham’s Euro 2004 was a disaster. Physically exhausted after commuting almost daily between Madrid and England, mentally exhausted after enormous marriage problems and in extremely poor form, he shouldn’t have played as much as he did, but Sven enjoys the celebrity of being England manager, and what better way to ensure your face stays in papers than aligning yourself with David Beckham.
Night At Bar Tons of Fun, But It Sucked To Get Tasered
By Jtyler 7/1 8:23pm EDT
This is pretty rough. Maybe you've heard about this already, but former Red Wings defenseman, scuffler, and fan favorite Bob Probert was arrested in Delray Beach Friday for disorderly conduct, battery on a law officer, and just generally being a jerk. He was so rowdy they were forced to shoot him with a Taser "several" times. He must be the kind of guy who pops horse tranquilizers. We don't talk hockey much on UTB, but still, Probie going down like this is not a proud moment.
Atlantic League Heats the Fuck Up!
By PJ 7/1 8:42pm EDT
Bridgeport and Long Island remain tied for first place in the North Division after both teams dropped one run decisions on Wednesday night's action. Both teams keep their 5 game spread over third place Nashua. With only South Division teams winning last night, the three way tie between Atlantic City, Camden, and Somerset.
Pedro's New Found Gas Is Like A Really Hot Chick, But You Probably Wouldn't Want To Bone It
By BigK 6/8 11:53pm EDT
People can moan and wail about how vastly velocity is overrated, but when you're throwing 93-94 it makes a world of difference compared to 88-90.  A 94 MPH fastball is like a really hot chick, as long as she's got that going on for her, she can get away with a few more mistakes and her secondary attributes can be a lot weaker and she'll still be effective.  A 90 MPH fastball is more like a fastball with a "great personality". 
Hey Nicole... Looks Like You Just Got Juic'd
By James 6/8 1:49am EDT
Perhaps the most bizarre segment of the interview involved Simpson's claim that he is developing a reality-TV show similar to Ashton Kutcher's MTV show Punk'd. "It's a takeoff on something called 'Punk'd', he told Van Susteren. It's me doing gags as, as Juice. Juice. What they call 'juicing' people." Let's just hope his idea of 'juicing' his victims doesn't require the use of sharp objects!
Watch Out! Red-Level Alert For Smarty-Crazy Man To Get Jazzy in Superfecta Wagering
By EJXD2 6/6 3:18pm EDT
In addition to the exacta, I'll probably try to get jazzy in the superfecta wagering. I think Caiman can finished third or fourth at a monstrous price, so I'll keey him for third and fourth under Smarty Jones and Rock Hard Ten while using Master David, Eddington, Birdstone, and Royal Assault and tossing Purge from the super. For $1 each combination, that's only $8 on a super that would definitely pay in the three figures.
For God Knows What Reason, Thinking About Derek Jeter Quells Woman's Fears of Flying
By Kristen 6/2 12:57am EDT
There's just something horribly unnatural about the entire thing. Explain it all you will, we still don't understand how the hell the engine keeps the thing up. But still, we get on the plane, because no one likes an hysteric in the airport (and it is poor form to lose it in front of Junior Staffers). Once we manage to get our seat, we put on our patented Strictly Ballroom 'happy face' while our minds turn to our beloved Yankees. And as we take off, we think of Jeter on the Yankee plane. And we calm ourselves with the notion that not only does Jeter fly regularly he probably doesn't break into a cold sweat on take off or weep uncontrollably (while digging his nails into ARod) on landing.
Frogs Won't Stop English Footballers, Maybe Spain Or Germany, But Who Knows
By Victor 6/2 12:44am EDT
I'd be very disappointed if we didn't beat both Croatia and Switzerland, and so regardless of the France result we should qualify for the next round. After that, it's the luck of the draw really. I don't really think we'll win it but we could do well and surprise a few people. And it's called football. Not soccer. Football.
Something, Something, Grand Prix, Something, Something
By George 5/31 5:03pm EDT
But what of the cars sheer lack of speed? Mercedes-Benz may be able to deflect their engines reliability blame to excess chassis flex, but why can't they generate any grunt? The McLaren's sheer lack of staight line pace can only be attributed to poor engine performance. That means you, Norbert. How can Renault, BMW, Cosworth, Toyota, Honda and Ferrari all find a reasonable level of power and dependability, and the mighty M-B, so embarassingly poor?
Focus: Testicular Cancer
Anti-Hero Lance Is a Role Model In Personal Life
By Elizabeth 7/22 3:13pm EDT
It seems to me that Lance Armstrong is the anti-hero for the Bush campaign to "protect" traditional family values. Here's a man who came back from death, married, had three children in a most deliberate manner (can't say, oops, honey, guess what ...) and has now divorced and is on his way to TdF 6 with a popular singer. All in the space of about 5 years. (I'm still listening to NPR. I'm hearing about what "equal rights" are. My mind drifts beyond the effort of pushing and pulling pedals and back to the discussion I read earlier in the day about how destabilizing gay marriage is to society. Why it must be resisted. Why it's obvious that gay people never have long-term relationships as it is. ) Now I have to say, I absolutely identify with Lance. I lived under the shadow of cancer. I was married at the time. I was patently miserable. My parents had made the argument, "As long as you're living together, you may as well get married and enjoy the benefits!" But marriage is NOT about benefits. It's about giving and taking, risks, conquering selfishness, rejecting distractions. You can't just do it with any old somebody. It's an act of intention (as making children should be, IMO).
It's Very Hard To Talk About John Kruk Without Making One Nut Jokes
By Sky 5/30 4:05pm EDT
I officially like John Kruk and all his antics. His baseball views are a little skewed (ok, extremely skewed), but he is entertaining. And not in the obnoxious way that Terry Bradshaw's "entertaining". Kruk's a good find for Baseball Tonight. Now they just have to do something about that whole baseball incompetence thing. Has he made any one ball jokes, yet?
K/PA? More Like K/Who Gives a Shit
By Jurgen 5/11 4:48pm EDT
In fact, to hear Prospectus talk about it, one could associate increasing strikeouts rates with some very good things like hitting for power. (I mean, is anyone really concerned that Jim Thome regularly strikes out over 170 times as long as he's still slugging over .500 and getting on base 4 in 10 times?) Yes, it is very impressive that Beltran is bucking the usual trend as his IsoPwr is increasing while his K/PA rate is decreasing (not that Gleeman explicitly makes that connection), but it doesn't necessarily predict a breakout.
Focus: Fantasy Sports

Fantasy Team Is Doing OK. Not Great, But OK
By Randy 5/22 2:25pm EDT
We're a little over a quarter through with the season and it's about time to see how my fantasy baseball team is doing. It isn't great, but it isn't bad either.
Ponson Is Fantasy Garbage, But I Can't Trade Him
By BigPhilly 6/1 11:41pm EDT
This guy blows. I hate him. But I cannot cut him. He's the ace on a nice offensive team and he's been a stud before. Yet I trot him out there week after week and he gets lit up. He's the Major League Baseball version of Eddie George. You can't take him out but he's a giant anchor on your team...man alive...
Purported Expert's Fantasy Squad Is In The Shithouse
By David 5/22 2:33pm EDT
I can't explain it. Me the Baseball Savant with a fantasy team that is battling for last place in a 15 team league. I know you are as flabberghasted as I am, but it's true and I just can't understand why. The really crazy part about the whole thing is that I really think that I can turn it around and still win the whole darn thing if things just break my way.
Overbay's Performance Negates Clever Joke Made During Fantasy Baseball Auction
By Rich 5/20 10:28pm EDT
When Lyle Overbay went for $15 in my NL Only Auction, I quipped, “Lyle Overpay!”. Laughs abound, I was feeling pretty good about my burn and was rather confident that Overbay would justify the comment over the course of the season. Whoops, my bad. Through 37 games, Overbay has set career in every significant category and left Milwaukee Brewers fans not missing Richie Sexson nearly as much.
Sometimes Fantasy Rankings Might Not Tell The Whole Story
By Josh 5/30 12:53pm EDT
The comments about Rip Hamilton have gotten me thinking... who are some of the players out there who are much better in real life than in fantasy? That is, better than their boxscore stats would indicate? And what should we call these guys? Obviously, there's Rip. I would tend to include Allan Houston, when healthy, although his body appears to be breaking down now. Bibby was in this category until this year, when his stats took off without Bobby J to back him up. As strange as it sounds, I think you have to include Shaq Diesel, since his FT% makes him a problematic fantasy center, but he's obviously still pretty dominant (though I dispute that he's the MDE).

Man Names His Cat After Athletics Pitcher Barry Zito
By Philip 5/20 10:37pm EDT
Still, this Zito enjoys watching the A’s, even if he’s more of a Mark Mulder fan. Please tell me I just didn’t do a weblog entry about my cat. What’s next — bad poetry?
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