Prude Pens Poem to a Pumpkin
By John Derbyshire 7/15
A certain young hillbilly bumpkin Was caught having sex
with a pumpkin. When arrested he swore: "What's all this
fuss for? Where I'm from, it's okay to hump kin!"
Touching Love-Letter To a Dead Girl
By The Wisdom Alley 7/15
Then one day, I just learned from a friend that she
already had a boyfriend. At first I tried to convince
myself that it was just a rumor. Her boyfriend was Mark, a
popular senior who was the heartthrob at the campus. She
being the cheerleader was close to the basketball team,
which Mark was the captain. When I saw them walking
together at the parking lot at the afternoon. I watch her
with my heart slowly breaking into pieces. I saw her wave
at me but I just pretended not to see her for I was scared
that she might see in my eyes the pain I𠍿 feeling inside
because of seeing her with another guy. Those days that
followed were the saddest days of my life.
Love My First Week in Brooklyn
By Grace Axelrod 7/15
er dinner he said that he'd take me home but I thought
that it might be better if I walked home alone. He asked
for my number but I had to say no since I haven't had the
phone put in yet. He had this doubtful look in his eyes
and said, "C'mon Grace, I've got to see you again." I told
him that I definitely wanted to see him again and that I'd
call him, so he gave me his card and said that he'd be
waiting to hear from me. He kissed my forehead and said,
"Goodnight, sweet Grace," and my stomach did another flip.
When I was walking home I had this dreamy feeling. Is this
really happening? I think I'll call him sometime but he is
a lot older than I am. I guess he must be around 40 or so.
I never met someone like him back home. Goodnight, sweet
Measurement Systems Flummox Brits
By The Red Baron 7/15
I agree I am a reactionary old twonk when it comes to
this, but it's born more out of laziness and
bloody-mindedness than anything else, I can't be bothered
to try to figure out a new system I'd rather be
obstreporous and have my ounces and stuff, I don't have a
notion of what 25g is. Its all down to the comfort zones,
I know 454g is a pound and you can work things out from
that, but if you need to decide between a quarter and 100g
without much time to think it's more tricky, I mean I can
conceptualise 1/4lb but not 100g. Now in my defence I
would claim that I was schooled in an era that didn't know
if it was coming or going the metric system was supposed
to be in place but most people didn't understand it so
they just taught you what they knew hence we got a
half-arsed idea of what either were.
Boy at Indie Burlesque Show Drenched in Indie Beer
By mpls Indie 7/10
The best thing about these shows is not the strippers with
tattoos(OK it is) but the music. Where else can you see
nearly naked ladies get their groove on to Modest Mouse
and the Pixies If you know of any let me know. My favorite
was the girl dressed up in cutoff jeans and t-shirt that
stripped to AC/DC while slamming Pabst Blue Ribbon and
spitting it all over the crowd. And I even loathe AC/DC!
Mase Lost To Addiction Pt. 1
By sleep not work 7/10
I𠍿 sure many of you remember Aaron Mase the way I would
like to remember him � as one of the best friends and most
all-around excellent human beings on the planet. To be
honest, when I first met him, I didn㦙 just like the guy, I
worshipped the ground he walked on.
Paris Hilton is a rich spoiled brat
By Alice Ayers 7/10
I am tending bar and being the sole waitress at a private
party with a Carzy Austrian Chef (whom up til that morning
I assumed was a Crazy French Chef). Paris Hilton is
chatting animatedly to one of the rich, WASP-y boys
renting the house [for$250, 000 for the long weekend] who
might have been cute had he had a single thought in his
head. I asked Paris if I could get her anything from the
Lovers Break Up, So Bry Can Focus on Getting Married
By Jigga 7/9
It's really very sad. i had to run to the bathroom and
just cry becus it hurt so bad. it's for the best. we made
out like a tornado last night and we stopped and he was
hugging me and i was like 'what's going on? what are we
doing?' to make a long story short.. i eased his fears by
saying that we shouldn't fool around anymore and he just
focus on getting married (5 weeks and counting..)
Want The Past, And We Want it Now!
Our Lives Suck, But Future People Would Kill to Be
Where We Are
By Cameron Marlow 7/9
After re-rewatching 24 Hour Party People I've become
obsessed with the idea of being in a place at a particular
point in time. What time and place would you choose? For
me it's Manchester in either the late 70's or the late
80's, and for other's it's Soho in the 60's or Athens at
the height of the Greek empire. The irony of this
experiment is that if we really did travel to these
historic venues, we'd be much more excited about being
there than the people involved. There's thousands of
moments right now that people of the future would be
willing to pay a year's salary to be a part of, but we
won't know for years exactly what we should be jealous of.
Malaysian Patio a Shining Beacon From Our Glory Days
By Idrus 7/9
This is the patio of our house, it is call the Serambi in
Malay... It is a place to sit and relax with friends for a
cup of coffee, just for the fun of it and enjoy... All
traditional Malay houses have serambi but in today's
modern houses this part of the house has been left out and
not to be seen anymore ...And as for my house I had it
specially built to reflect my love for the tradition and
the feeling that comes with the Malay traditional
house.... Nostalgic I guessed... What an interesting
concept and it shows the wisdom of the past, our great
heritage and the way to enjoy life in a simple way.....
Pundit Moves on to Fresher Territory
By Maine 7/9
I'm pretty sure that one out of every five QW posts
mentions the boobie. In a sort of desirous, longing
manner. But come on, man - how many posts can you write
about the boobie? I need to broaden my horizons, right?
Alright... here goes: I see a lot of email spam offering
treatments to add 3 inches to the man-wang. So this leaves
me with two huge questions: Why is it always 3 inches? Is
that the max amount they can finagle out of the average
Hungry Imperialist Americans Get it All in Small
By John 7/9
Being a foreigner in a smallish Chinese town is quite an
experience. Wherever you go, whatever you do, you're a
spectacle. If you can speak any Chinese, your
(near-constant) audience will be amazed and enthralled. A
foreigner in a smallish Chinese town who can speak Chinese
fairly well can quite quickly become a local celebrity,
even getting newspaper writeups and TV spots.
Stepper Not Stepping Enough
By Ron'a 7/9
Yesterday, I walked about 10,500 steps. Today, I walked
about 14,500. My goal is to walk 40,000 steps over my 3
day weekend. I weighed myself this morning and I was down
3 pounds! I always feel so sullen if I only lose a pound.
Yes, I know that is all you are supposed to lose. I am
currently over 100 pounds over my ideal weight, so 1 pound
a week seems a bit sparse.
to Bank, Check, Cut Ex-Boyfriend From Life Forever,
By Twisted Angel 7/9
The ex-boyfriend came over today to close the
joint-account. X-Bf: Woww, you look great. Me : Thanks.
X-Bf: What did you do? I mean, u look different. Me : I've
done nothing, ok? Save all the compliments for 'her' will
ya? X-Bf: You know hurting you is the last thing I would
do. You're my good friend. Me : (Smirk) I've told you once
and I'm sticking to it. We can never be friends. X-Bf:
Please, can we just forget it? Me : I just did. You and
me, it never happened. That's it.
Words of Wisdom Actually Quite Chilling
By R1 7/9
I was posting some thoughts about an event but just
decided that it's a bit too much for an open log. What
bothers me is that one soldier later remarked, "Killing
isn't hard; learning not to like it is the hard part." And
everyone just nodded.
Equivalant of the Queen's Guard: Joel the Soldier
By Seth 7/9
This is Joel, a soldier that I befriended outside of Ein
Gedi. He was waiting here for some of his military buddies
to go and swim in the pools in the nature reserve.
Soldiers are everywhere in Israel, and all the American
tourists jockey to get their pictures taken with them.
Especially the girls (ahem, Christiana and Micha!)
to Recreational Handcuffs Legally Defined as Stolen
By Kurt Scott Hopke 7/9
We're going through security, and the security guard asks
me if I'm a peace officer. "Um, no." "Then why do you have
a handcuff key?" "Um, they're for my handcuffs." "It's a
misdemeanor to have these. It's stolen police property."
"What?" "Yeah, I'm going to have to confiscate this."
"You're kidding, right?" At this point, a county officer
had walked up.
Doctor Prescribes Guaranteed Cure: Himself
By Chad 7/9
way down inside, woman you need it.
loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove. you need
coolin, and i ain't foolin. (guitar solo). i'm gonna give
you every inch of my love. shake for me girl. i wanna be
your backdoorman(!). Uh, keep a cooly, baby.
Legislation Not Enough, It's Time For Violence!
By Wayne Tucker 7/7
It is time for "Punch a Smoker in the Face Day"! The
beauty of the name lies in its simplicity - It's exactly
what it purports to be on the surface. On this designated
day, if you see someone smoking in public, it is your
legal right (neigh, duty) to walk up to this person and
cold cock'em! You can punch them in the nose, break their
jaw, sucker punch them - whatever you do best (Grandma
will be crying with fear on the outside, but she will be
secretly thanking you on the inside).
Honors The Emotionally Abusive
By Mands 7/7
you could call me anything and i would love it you could
call me a bitch and i would love it you could hurt me and
i would still love to be yours you could come and go and i
would always wait for you.
Unthinkable Happened: McDonalds Burned Down
By Janis Gore 7/5
Our local McDonald's burned nearly to the ground last
night. Reports are that the fire occurred at or about 10
p.m., but I don't remember sirens. Lucy and I drove by to
take a look today after my mother-in-law told us it had
happened. Only a scorched shell was left, with smoke
rising from the interior. I'd be surprised if this were
some kind of protest. Insurance? An angry employee? An
accident? Neglect? No one was injured, as far as we know.
The gossip wheels are turning in this small town. We'll
find out more tomorrow.
ain't Free, Today is for the Troops
By Michael Mcneil 7/5
And to the service men and women across the globe,
protecting that honor and freedom on a daily basis ...
thank you. It may not be much, but I do appreciate what
sacrifices you have made to provide my family with a safe
place to live. And this goes for all men and women who
have served, especially those who have passed away.
Couldn't Have Made It Without My Wonderful Readers
By Adam Wagner 7/3
I checked my Blog-Meter, and it says that the site has
been visited one thousand times! 1000! Amazing! I started
this site in March of '04. So, doing the math, that's 1000
divided by 4 months. That's 250 hits a month. Divided by
about 30 days. That's just about 7 hits per day on the
Slope Fallacy, Meet Your Match
By Julian Sanchez 7/1
I'm always a little puzzled by a rhetorical strategy I
occasionally encounter in friendly political arguments.
I'll often, unsurprisingly enough, end up taking a
libertarian position, and my interlocutor will respond
with something like: "Well, you're a libertarian, so of
course you think that, but..." as if to suggest that an
ideology is some kind of suspect ulterior motive, along
the lines of "Well, you work for ADM, so of course you're
for ethanol subsidies." But of course, that's sort of
backwards: I don't believe in low taxes, strong property
rights, free trade, and robust civil liberties because I'm
a libertarian. Rather, I'm a libertarian because I believe
all those things for other independent reasons.
at Heart Liberates Prudish Canadians With her Naked
By Sarah 7/1
so we swam and had fun over on the docks. when it came
time to leave, catherine was content to walk back to the
car drenched, but i wasn't, because i didn't want to drive
in wet clothes. solution? get changed! so i did. and
catherine was shocked when i did right there on the dock.
when i changed my top she tried to stand in front of me. i
told her i didn't care, it's not that big a deal. so she
didn't bother sheilding me when i was changing into my
pants. but as i did, i turned around and on the other
dock, every single face was staring at me. EVERY one.
Pride Weekend Provides Many Opportunities for
7/1 6:30pm EDT
Saturday night - Muscle bear sea cruise with Bob and
Larry. Heavy on the bear, light on the muscle, but a great
time. Took my shirt off in public and didn't care. Very
gay. Sunday - Hit the parade for a couple hours. Gay. Then
went to the Pier Dance for the first time ever, in the
company of Bob and Charlie. Triple gay. Danced in the sun
among many shirtless boys (mine stayed on this time). Oh
so very gay.
Best Mom Would Never Trade Her Daughter for a TV
By Sunny Cervantes 7/1
I was watching this episode of Law & Order. It dealt
with the smuggling of children from Nigeria for slavery
and prostitution. This is the first time in my life that I
watched a detective TV show and actually cried. I thought
of Angel who was sleeping peacefully and dreamt of all
things innocent. I cannot imagine selling her to a
stranger for a TV set.
Ordinary Guy Wants to Be President to Revoke the
By Antithesis 7/1
This man is no career politician or Washington insider. He
has no deep pockets or powerful political allies. Unlike
Bush, Nader and Kerry, he has principles. And stands by
them, but never forces those principles on others. He is
just an ordinary man from Austin, TX. A former computer
programmer and scuba diving instructor who took up
studying the consitution. His goals are not power or fame,
he is simply a man who wants his country to be a great
place to live. Special interests need not apply. Statists
and neo-conservatives not welcome.
Judge Thomas Not an Uncle Tom, Scalia Lapdog?
By Eugene Volokh 6/30
This is just further evidence that the "Justice Thomas
follows Justice Scalia in lockstep" argument that some
have made is simply a slur on Justice Thomas. We've seen
lots of cases where Justice Thomas has taken a different
view from Justice Scalia � consider his opinions on the
scope of the Commerce Clause, the scope of the Ex Post
Facto Clause, the protections offered to anonymous speech,
the Excessive Fines Clause, crossburning, and more.
yeah...Maybe Iraq Not the Best Place for Tourists
By Tito 6/30
they've kidnapped another person in iraq?? what dahell??
i'm putting the entire urf on blast -- if u are not iraqi,
get out and stay out of iraq. now. much as i hate to say
it - dont go there to spread the gospel, dont go there to
build highways, and dont go there thinking it's not going
to happen to me. these cats are wildin' out. how many
people have to die before u get the message. at first i
thought it was just crazy americans...who tours in iraq?
i'm not taking my vacation in allahramadanhaacken, iraq.
Rape Theory: Tired or Wired?
Experience Informs View of Rapists
By Professor Dollar Fifty 6/25
I could have avoided this situation by not drinking, but I
also could have avoided this situation by not having
friends, not leaving my house, and not breathing. I could
have avoided this situation by having a gun or perhaps
something that looks like a gun or perhaps by macing the
are mean, stupid, retarded, dodo-brained, dumbheads,
and they make me mad, mad, mad!
By Victoria 6/25
Camille Paglia, a lunatic who uses the misnomer "feminist"
to get herself onto talk shows so that hegemonic stations
can pretend to have a pro-woman's perspective, argues
gender issues using a libertarian's approach. She blames
women who are date raped for getting what they deserve.
Come on, she argues, if you get drunk with a guy in
college, what are you really trying to do? Paglia believes
that women using their sex in exchange for power is the
natural order of things. She believes in personal
responsibility. And thus, there are no survivors, or
victims, as she says, of abuse. Take responsibility for
your own assault.
Writer Out to Lunch on Drug Prices
By Derek Lowe 6/25
I hate to put myself in the position of defending Imclone
and Erbitux, but this argument is exaggerated to the point
of nonsense. I know what he's trying to say - that making
monoclonal antibodies is an established technology - and
up to a point, it is. But Bazell makes it sound like a
bunch of undergraduates could whip up a batch of Erbitux
for fifty bucks or so, and that is, to use a term of the
pharmaceutical art, complete (expletive).
and Lows of a Crazy Weekend
By Big DIrty 6/21
Now I must complain about the moronic female at HH. I come
in and order my usual (2 Pork Roll Egg and Cheese with
Provolone and an order of fries), and instead of one of
the middle eastern guys thats always in there and knows
exactly what I want, this person screws up my order, not
once, not twice, but several times. First, she only makes
one sandwich, which I told her I wanted two. Then she puts
american on instead of the provolone, and cuts the
sandwich. Habib, Jerold, or whatever their names are, make
them properly and DON'T CUT.
British Politics in Perspective
By Professor R. Baron 6/21
Labour's response to the 1980s was to drop much of its
socialist credentials such as Clause 4, which was a tenet
in the party manifesto committing itself to the
nationalisation of industry. The party did this in an
attempt to address what it saw as itself being
unelectable, it sought not to stick to its guns but chase
the electorate to the right in the hope of capturing
people on the whet end of the Conservative party. Now
Labour may point to this strategy achieving success in
1997 which one of the largest landslide victories ever and
backed up by a consolidation in 2001.
Friend Is Contingency Spouse
By Szabster 6/21
I've got a best friend who has promised to marry me at 33
if we're both still single.� Unless he changes, which some
stellar girl might do to him, then that sounds like a plan
to me.� But wouldn't that be a funny story to tell the
kids - "Mommy and Daddy got married b/c they could stand
each other and couldn't stand anyone else."� And there's
the whole love "problem."�
Do Parents Think They Are, Your Mom or Something?
By Erica Nix 6/19
But seriously, where do parents get off. They make you how
you are, and then they seem SO frustrated by it! Sometimes
I understand. For instance, just a minute ago I was
walking in my backyard only wearing bra and undies.
Apparantly, my father was freaking out, but he couldn't
come tell me because I WAS IN MY BRA AND UNDIES! My mom
came out to tell me, I laughed, but now I feel kinda bad.
I guess several neighbors could see me.
Sugarbear Listening To His Heart Being Torn Apart
By Sugarbear 6/18
I know that we can have a chance at being a wonderful
couple but we need to talk for that to happen. Not push
the others away. I hated how i felt when you cheated on me
and lied to me everytime about it. How you changed your
identity so you can go back to someone who caused all of
our problems. How i dont know what else you have kept from
me over our time together.
My Friends, is What Makes Life Worth Living
By Joe Bloggs 6/18
They say marijuana, dope, weed skunk...whatever gets you
through times of no money better than money gets you
through the times with no weed......so I took it upon
myself to get comfortably numb and play online chess and
this evening I am going to partake in a few bottles of
wine and a few more spliffs, I just thought I would let
you know this because that is what blogging is all about
I Admit, I Would Use My God-Like Powers for Evil
By Karma Chick 6/17
Part of the premise of ["Bruce Almighty"], for those who
haven't seen it, is what a guy does when God gives him
divine powers, and it made me think; what would *I* do if
I suddenly had those sorts of powers? I'd plan a little
trip to Vegas so that I could "win" enough $ to make me
quietly wealthy through "clever" commodities investments.
It'd occur to me that I had a variety of ways to see
certain famous hotties naked with no risk of getting
caught, and yes, I'd do it. Is it moral to peep? Of course
not. Would that stop me from getting some illicit thrills
from my "powers"? Not a chance.
Defending Liberty, Sleeping Around
By Bianca 6/16
He was actually even talking to this E-6's wife that he
works with. The (expletive) didn't know it was me and told
me she had her cards done today and she saw me in them
(well him anyway-LMAO). Bet she didn't see this coming...I
ended up getting her number so I called her and told her
that she'd better go and get her money back from the tarot
lady, because she is going to need it if she wants to
leave her husband for mine, because he is going to be one
broke (expletive)h!! He also started talking about why he
did this. He said our sexlife was not up to par. He said
he was bored with it.
for, uh, deleting your blog
By Dave Winer and Jeneane Sesser 6/16
This gives people basically the heads up that they were
asking for. I understand that you would like to have had
your site remain accessible during that period, but I just
couldn't simply work that out. And you could say I should
have explained it, and I could have done better, and you
may be right. That I should have and I could have... it's
possible... but it's also not clear to me that people
wouldn't have found something else to find fault with. I
mean, this is sort of the attitude on the Internet. It's
sort of like people just love to jump up and down and it
hardly matters how well you do something because basically
certain thing happen and people will jump up and down so
just accept that.